A new tactic to avoid DUI charges
The facts: Stettler, Canada is here, just northeast of Calgary and due east of Red Deer, the home of the Advocate newspaper. There hasn’t been any independent verification of the underwear-eating technique being effective but unlike bomb-making or knitting on an airplane, you are welcome to try this yourself.
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Hilarious picture
Not only does this gym have escalators going up to the door, but it’s also open 24 hours a day. I don’t know where it is, but someone should tell me.
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Best Buy v. Blogger bruhaha
This post is just to echo the support from Xeni at BoingBoing for their defense of Scott Beale’s post at Laughing Squid. It looks like Beale has been served with a cease and desist letter for commenting (just commenting mind you) on an alleged trademark infringement by the group Improv Everywhere. They are apparently selling t-shirts that resemble Best Buy uniform shirts but have cleverly substituted their own group name in place of the Best Buy logo (pictured below). I love it when the internet community mobilizes against this sort of silly protectionist garbage. Power to the people!
09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0
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The Gerbil Shirt
Totally absurd inventions can be found at TotallyAbsurd.com. Featured above is just one of the many ridiculous things dug up from the archives of the patent office. This particular item is called the Gerbil Shirt, a wearable habitrail. Think of the beauty of it, never having to leave your furry friends at home.
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Lulz and Secretz: lolsecretz blog
For those of you who haven’t gone online in a few years, Lolcatz are funny pictures (like this one of the sub-phenomenon Ceiling Cat) combined with pithy phrases, usually in internet shorthand, or Leet. Combine the joy of Lolcatz with the voyeuristic and empathetic site Postsecret in which people anonymously confess their secrets in artistic postcard form and you get the lolsecretz blog. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. Funny and sad.
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Your secret is out Monty Python
Remember those hilarious stop animation sequences in Monty Python shows in which a picture would ‘talk’ by showing a simple cut-out mouth moving up and down with the sound? Well, you too can create such comic genius with the help of super futuristic technology at Blabberize.com!. The website itself is well worth a visit to be insulted by a sarcastic Alpaca, but it’s fun (and relatively easy) to create your own blabbering picture. Or so they tell you. I’ve been trying to get through to do it myself but their website is apparently under attack from TechCrunch readers who want to do the same thing I do. If anyone has any luck, let me know how it turns out.
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X-rated Illinois Towns
Earlier I eagerly cataloged all of the X-rated Kentucky Towns using Piddleport.com, I think it’s time to be fair and detail Illinois’ towns. This time, I plan to include any funny name, but with a focus on perversion since we all know how nice it is to snicker. And the list for IL is: 3 Beaver Creeks and a few Beavervilles, Bush, Hicks Corner (sorry, really struggling here), Kickapoo (thanks Melissa), Licking, Moonshine, Reddick, Roaches, Round Knob, Utopia, Woody, and Yellow Creek. Well, we can all agree that that was a helluva lot more boring than Kentucky’s pervy towns, but at least we now know and can go back to our normal lives. Keep an eye out for more, hopefully it’ll be a lot better.
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Acoustic Kitty
I heard about this a long time ago but it’s a story that bears repeating. At the height of the Cold War in the mid-60’s, both the KGB and the CIA tried a lot of different spying schemes, but there’s no record of pet-hacking by the Russians. Yep, CIA engineers and vets (?) retrofitted a common housecat to be a mobile bug in the KGB headquarters. They put in advanced listening equipment, replaced its tail with an antenna, and subverted its hunger impulse. After an estimated $20 million invested in the project, dubbed Acoustic Kitty, and extensive tests they went to release the cat on the streets of Moscow near the KGB headquarters only to see it run over by a taxi.
This article in The Telegraph reminded me of the story, although I’d always heard that the cat was run over by a bus. A bus would’ve been funnier.
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X-Rated Kentucky Towns
Because deep down we’re all snickering little sixth graders, I figured we could all laugh at the privacy of our computers about cities, towns, and localities in Kentucky that are innuendos. I first heard about Sugartit, KY and thought there might be a story there, but without an official website for the government, newspaper, or really anything on-line, there wasn’t much I could do. I decided to use Piddleport.com to find out places in Kentucky with dirty/laughable names. I’m sure I could’ve made this a bit more extensive had I had the consultation of an 11-year old boy, but we don’t have one on staff here at duenos. Nevertheless, in addition to Sugartit, there’s Beaverlick, two towns called Climax, Dingus, Gays Creek, Goochland & Goochtown (Don’t get those two? Check here), Greasy Creek (I just thought that was funny), Hicksville, Hooker, Hot Spot, Knob Lick, Limp, Mackville, Pleasureville, and Poindexter. There are 49 other states to make us feel like kids again, so sit tight.
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Worst web site ever: Watching Grass Grow
That’s right, this site (Watching-Grass-Grow.com) is a dedicated web cam watching some bloke’s yard. The goal? To watch the grass grow, that’s it. The webcam updates every 3 seconds and, well that’s it. I’ve already spent too much time writing about it.
Previously featured inane things:
- Roomba TV, another hard-to-believe-anyone-watches web cam attached to a guys autonomous vacuum robot.
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Let's Cornhole 'Em!
My alma mater, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, recently removed Chief Illiniwek as its mascot. The appropriateness of The Chief as a mascot has been a hotly contested issue for decades, but at long last Illinois students have a solution to the mascot situation that they can all rally behind.
That solution is Farm Bot.
Farm Bot represents Illinois’ rich, agricultural tradition and its commitment to excellence in engineering via its unique, Mega Man-style corn cannon, Abraham Lincoln hat that shoots fireworks, and jetpack that also pops popcorn. Not convinced? Let Farm Bot come to life in this nine-minute masterpiece!
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Nerd Alert!: Finger Boarding
Even if the content of this article may not interest you, it will certainly make you feel way cooler then people who like fingerboarding. There’s a group of dexterous tabletop surfers who use 96 mm (~3.75”) skate boards to use their fingers to perform tricks like grinding, ollies, and…well, do you really even care? These finger freaks have small scale ramps & parks, DVDs, and dozens of fansites. Scary enough, the infection has spread worldwide to the US, UK, and even Germany. If you are a finger-sk8r 4life, you need to re-evaluate yourself, pronto. Try some other hobby like collecting rubber duckies, dumpster diving, ballooning, or finding friends for you pets.
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Interested in Ballooning?
I’m still unsure how I stumbled upon it, but nevertheless, I encountered the underground balloon modeling culture in its full force and am still catching my breath. The leading balloonaholic website, Balloonhq.com, provides endless pictures of balloon art, how to balloon instructions (601 page pdf), contact info for “balloonatics”, balloon history, and a bunch of other stuff you probably don’t care about. At the very least, this article has kept you sharp on pop culture.
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13 lb Gummy Bear
“$150,000 tuition & 4 years of a college education. His greatest achievement.” That’s the description given for this whopping 13 lb gummy bear cast in an old Animal Crackers container. Check out more pictures here of its awesome creation. Sadly it was one of the many casualties of Hurricane Katrina but this is the finished product:
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Power Rangers Finally Explained
Since I am continually spreading the rumor that Hillary Swank in the Reaping was once the original Pink Power Ranger, I was researching for more falsifiable information and stumbled on something much greater. It turns out every episode of the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers can be described by the following everyplot:
1. Rangers are seen in everyday life with a dispute to resolve.
2. Rangers are attacked by an evil foe’s minions/footsoldiers.
3. Rangers fight minions/footsoldiers.
4. Rangers morph.
5. Rangers defeat the minions/footsoldiers.
6. Evil enemy strengthens the minion and makes minion grow to gigantic proportions, followed by Rangers summoning giant machines known as Zords and/or their combined form, the Megazord.
Optional: Rangers find that their current powers are insufficient to defeat minion and discover a new power, such as a Battlizer armor for the Red Ranger, or a sixth Ranger and/or a new Megazord.
7. Rangers fight and defeat that particular giant minion.
8. Rangers are shown back in everyday life, having learned a life lesson which solves the earlier dispute.
Too bad real life can’t be as comically predictable, except for the whole having to use Zords to fight minions grown to gigantic proportions.
Thanks to this unfortunate site for the picture.
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Mr. T takes on wimpy soccer players
This Snickers commercial features the A Team’s Mr. T taking a diving soccer player to school with one of his key catchphrases. And a tank.
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The real point of the internet
According to Avenue Q, the bawdy Broadway satire of Sesame Street, the internet is for porn. But if you’ve been around long enough in this web-tastic world, you know that the internet is really just an elaborate vehicle for the dissemination of funny pictures. There are the thousands of lolcatz pictures, the overly cute pictures, and now, for some reason published in Russian, the transportation pictures. I’ve put my favorite below, but it’s well-worth looking at all of them, and then e-mailing them to loved ones. There’s nothing people like more than an inbox full of hilarious pictures, especially if it means they miss an important dental appointment because of it.
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A Friendster for the Family Pet
Are you concerned your family dog doesn’t have any friends or is just hanging out with the wrong pack? Well, self-proclaimed “pet freaks and computer geeks” have made this social networking site for dogs, without any butt sniffing whatsoever. All Fido needs is your e-mail address (unless he has his own) and your typing skills and he’ll be all ready. My personal favorites include Doggie Diaries, Dogster Videos, and on a more serious note, an adoptable dogs search engine. Cat lover? Click here.
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The practical wisdom of children
Big Fat Whale is a weekly comic strip by Brain McFadden. The subject matter of the comic ranges, but his sometimes dry, sometimes sledge hammer wit pairs well with the Tin Tin-like drawing style. I’d like to specifically draw your attention to his series entitled “Kids say the Most Pragmatic Things” where such nuggets of wisdom can be found as ‘Fingerpainting is fun, but I wish the curriculum would better prepare me for a world that stifles creativity’ or ‘Cooties are just a manifestation of boys’ sexual insecurities.’ See the strips here and here.
Thanks for the link Tommy.
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